laundry hamper

2003-04-09T16:57:00.000-04:00

Alphabet Survey

A- Act your age? i think just a tad bit older, but oooh, i am the world's best five year old maniac

B- Born on what day of the week? ummmm

C- Chore you hate? ~~hate~~ LOATHE... i LOATHE washing dishes

D- Dad's name? wouldnt you like to know...

E- Essential make-up item? mascara, baby. mascara is such a prettyful word. i think i stole 'prettyful' from jez. but maybe she wont know.

F- Favorite actor? uhhh. heath ledger. god, he's a hottie, and his acting aint half bad either. but tom hanks is good. and edward burns rocks my assada.

G- Gold or silver? silver is prettier. but gold looks better on me. but silver is prettier. can i call a friend???

H- Hometown? well, since maniac psycho killers could be reading this (hi guys!!!), i'll go all trivia-questionish: it starts with an e and is named after a famous inventor.

I- Instruments you play? well, i can play jingle bells and chopsticks on the piano. but only the jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaaay. oh what fun - and then you lost me. i gave up the piano about five years ago.

J- Job title? student. i like how ambiguous that is. it gives me the impression that i'm some college chick who travels a lot. yeah, i dont know either...

K- Kids? um. not even a pet.

L- Living arrangements? oh, the usual living nightmare. and it's so misleading, it sounds so normal: mother unit, father unit, brother unit.

M- Mom's name? oh, another stalker question...

N- Number of people you've slept with? well, if i slept with you, you'd know. and everyone else should just mind their own business.

O- Overnight hospital stays? Nada. well, i guess when i was born...and did i stay overnight when i had my hernia when i was four??? hmmm...i never knew...

P- Phobia? bandaids. well, at least taking them off. germs at school. i'm becoming OC when it comes to that. spiders??? yeah, it depends on how brave i'm feeling, how big it is, and the color...yellow spiders...::shudders::...

Q- Quote you like? eh. i'm not really a quote person. i like "i dont agree with a word you say but i will defend to the death your right to say it" voltaire, baby. and YES he was FRENCH. but thats not really..."it's important to know how to behave, so that one can choose whether or not to be proper."- or something of the sort. in "Ella Enchanted"

R- Religious affiliation? Catholic. (and i'm in a heath ledger cult, but i feel kind of guilty putting that next to 'Catholic')

S- Siblings? leeeeetle brother. well, not that little. he's eight. yes. i have an insane, annoying, adorable little human being as a brother.

T- Time you wake up? five forty five-six thirty on weekdays. give or take. it depends on how much stuff i didnt do. and on weekends...oh, god, this is too much work to write down...

U- Unique habits? i set my alarm clock a couple minutes before a 'normal' number (ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty...etc) just so i can wait till the normal number to get up. but then i stay in bed anyway, so there's no point. and um...yeah, thats pretty much it...

V- Vegetable you refuse to eat? yeah, i dont do midget corn either, jez. or little okras. they're so SLIMY. or shriveled tomatoes. or cooked carrots. or PEAS. though i do enjoy squashing them.

W- Worst habit? I worship procrastination.

X- X-rays you've had? teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeth. (that has to remind you of a smile. it just DOES)

Y- Yummy food you make? SPAGHETTI

Z- Zodiac sign? scorpio. oooh, i am one stinging beast...

2003-04-09T16:55:00.000-04:00

great. i just messed up my blog...whoopdedoo.

2003-04-09T16:51:00.000-04:00

2003-03-10T18:11:00.000-05:00

the 'setting': its six pm. the room has gotten darker and darker since yours truly sat at the computer three hours ago. this person told herself to leave at four...

Anne: i should go
Anne: start homework
Anne: yeah
Anne: thats what i should do

Jillian: me tooo

Anne: shouldnt i???
Anne: you too???

Jillian: haha yes me too

Anne: we've been bitten by the bug
Anne: AHHHH
Anne: SAVE US

Jillian: ahhh!
Jillian: haha

Anne: okay...maybe there'll be a superhero bug

Jillian: haha yay

Anne: hmmm
Anne: too bad we didnt create him into existence yet

Jillian: haha

Anne: and why does it have to be a him???
Anne: it could be his daughter
Anne: or his wife
Anne: and he could stay home and do all the cooking

Jillian: thats so true!

Anne: but we need to think of a superhero
Anne: otherwise we'll be stuck here FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!!!

Jillian: ahhh

Anne: so
Anne: superhero wife??? or daughter???

Jillian: hmmm
Jillian: wife!
Jillian: lolol

Anne: hehehe

Jillian: :-D

and then the mother came home, forcing anne person to flee from the cave where the monstrous computer-beastie/bug dwells. was the mother the superhero bug??? TIME WILL TELL. the saga will continue dot. dot. dot.

2003-03-05T14:35:00.000-05:00

its official. i am officially converting this to a 'suvey, COMPLETELY random, odd things that interest me' blog. its waaay too much trouble trying to blog in TWO places.

2003-03-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

bored to tears. yesterday i was at a party. well, a party for a one year old. so you can imagine how much fun that was. especially as the only other people AROUND my age there were this annoying assed 8th grade girl who is so...well...weird and this girl that me and my friends used to be friends with and then there was this huge fight, and yeah, no more friends.

and i feel sick. not fever sick, just sick in the sense of crap. like, disgusting, sniffling, sick.

so how was your day???

2003-02-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

letters from oshko. my brother is in third grade, and they each get to bring home the class teddy bear named oshko for a weekend. they have to 'personificate' - or maybe its teddificate- oshko and write letters to themselves, saying what they did all weekend. this weekend, as you might have guessed is my brother's turn. i'm reading the notebook where they write their 'letters from oshko.' i tried to keep it the same as possible- here are some of my favorites:

Dear Casey,
Thank you for saving me from Juliette. She was cudaling me so much my tuffing almost fell out! And then she pushed my nose in! And then she kissed me! She wanted marey me! I could not beleave she is coming to your party! I hope you leave me in your room. O my gosh! I forgot about Tommy! Wow! That kid can eat! He ate all of are snack befor we got their! O your room! Its the most beatiyful room I have ever sean. I love your bed. Its so big! I thout it was the most comfatable bed in the world. Thank you for letting me sleep in it.
-Love,
Oshko

Dear Francesca,

[yeah, all this nice, third grade stuff]...O yea I forgot your brother he is sweet and all but man is he ~~crazl crays~~ crazy...[more third grade stuff-about the bed]

Love,
Oshko

Dear Jimmy

I'm so glad to join your piano recital in the Staten Island yesterday. Your performace was very nice. THe music of the picano was really touching my heart. I wish you can teach me how to play piano one day. Therefor we can perform a beautiful song together for the poor in the christmas eve. So they can enjoy the peace of the life as we do. I want to thank you again to invite me to the piano recital. I wish I can practice piano with you in the near future.

Love, Oshko

[a heartfelt, sincere letter, that was, wasnt it??? very deep. but it was very good spelling.]

[the next one i thought was sweet. it makes me feel kind of old though]

Dear Katie,

I had a fun time looking at houses, I am so sorry that you lost your basketball game. But your team tried hard. I had a fun time ice skatinng ont he kichten floor and sking with the fire tools. Your bed is very comfortable. I also love your new haircut.

Love,
Oshko

P.S. I love your family and i remember John [her brother] a lot.

okay, and thats all for now. i have more...yes, i know you're really excited a/b that.

2003-02-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

pompous bitches. who likes pompus bitches declaring that they rule the woooorld??? me neither. can we say... melissa???

though i dont think she's said she rules the world yet. but thats a YET and not a NEVER. am i bitter??? a little cruel perhaps??? just a little.
---

2003-02-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

dormant. yes dears, i'm dormant. i've stopped working, stopped growing...(this is all in reference to my blog)...because i've been trying to redo the randomish template. and i've been saving it without publishing it because i'm not done yet. yes, sux for me, doesnt it. but when i am...ooh, it'll be cute. please dont misjudge my like, valleygirlness...a phrase i think only people in the tristate area know...

2003-02-23T20:26:00.000-05:00

gwen. gorgeous, as usual. yes, yes, the grammy's are going on as we speak. seats start at $4000. amazing what people do with their money. my parents, when they saw gwen's performance were like, what is she WEARING??? and my mom was like, "i hope you never wear anything like that. it looks like the designer forgot to make the rest of her shirt." personally, i thought it was hott. haha, first, before my mom could actually read gwen's "shirt" she was mused "what does it say...welcome???" okay, as soon as i move out, i'm getting a shirt exactly like that which says WELCOME in big gold letters. haha. i AM glad that no doubt got their grammy. and wow, gwen's hott. (big surprise there.) no fair.
*~*

2003-02-22T20:33:00.000-05:00

renovation. there was a long narrow picuture kept behind our sofa for a while. it was painted gold , but the color had slowly faded, leaving a greenish tinge. not canvas, velvet. velvety night. gondola, venice. light flooded through the windows. gold. but it was faded. frame, once gold. now green and ugly. my father and i went over the whole uniqueness in 'antique gold' acrilic paint. now the night beckons. it draws you in. into the lit windows. the water reflects the golden hue.
*~*

2003-02-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

reliance on appliances. someone tell me whether that title was lame or clever. i think its kind of lame, but i dont really care. as i type, PC Richard n Son's people are 'installing' our new dishwasher. our old dishwasher ::tear:: had reached the end of its eight year tether. i really dont like the idea of getting acquainted with a new dishwasher. yes, yes, i know, its just a stupid appliance. but really, i'm so used to it. its like using someone else's computer. its just not the same experience (even if yours is like mine and sucks ass). excuse my sentimentality over this dishwasher. but i should be thankful. no more hand washing. oooh, they're leaving. i should go and look at it. i should. but i'm still here.
*~*

2003-02-20T16:00:00.000-05:00

today. today was a very weird day. confusing. muddled. yeah, that's it. muddled. i was more out of it than usual. the little i HAD to do seemed insurmountable. groan. well, tomorrow's friday. but the fact that new hampshire has 4 1/2 feet of snow does not help matters. AND that water is trickling down the driveways and roads to the gutters isnt a happy thought either. i really hate school.
::sigh::

2003-02-19T09:33:00.000-05:00

random thoughts of the moment. i'm hungry. i just woke up, its nine in the morninga. yesterday, stupid aim made me do my site over THREE TIMES when NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH IT. aim can kiss my ass. its like, parents and guyz. cant live with them, cant live without them. i know very well i'd die-or at least be miserable- without aim. and if my computer crashed...AHHHHH...i'd be screwed for life. oh dearie me, mother's home from church. how religous. i was sleeping. she's making pancakes. i should go to the bathroom to avoid helping, evil me....
---

2003-02-17T17:44:00.000-05:00

break something, my body screamed. ugh, today i seriously attempted to do homework. but after a while i just felt like breaking something. and that was the moment when i truly realized how i depend on my blog. i cant deal with shit without it. its a good venting machine, considering whatever else i used to vent at (AHEM) isnt there anymore...

to get rid of the 'breaking' feeling, first i furiously turned myself around and around in my swivel chair. that didnt really help. then i opened the door outside. it was 5 degrees. or less. who knows. maybe throwing snow would elp. i was in the mood for a serious snowball fight. but there was no one there. i just picked up a handful of snow and chucked it into the air. it wasnt very 'packable' snow. very disappointing. it just split into a million little snowflakes. so that was a waste.

so then, i made handprints on the snow in my front walk. first i did my right hand, and GOD it was so fucking cold. my hand practically froze. and i could feel my nerve halfway below my elbow pinch. it was weird. so dripping in melted snow, i flew to the tap and ran my hand under warm water. it was actually kind of fun, almost getting frostbite like that. so i went back down and put my handprint of my left hand. only i put it after my right hand. you know, kind of backwards. on purpose. i felt that it was truly a backwards moment. and then i went through the whole nerve pinching thing again. but i think what i liked best was the idea that no one knew. dont ask my why. this is post-examination.

it kind of helped. but still. so i went outside and shoveled even MORE snow that had collected in the last 4 hours. that really helped. i was all by myself, except for the dorky neighbors next door. even OUTSIDE i was stripped of privacy. but i made the best of it i could. then my dad came outside and well, i wasnt mad at anyone in the snow. but it really was stupid shoveling snow to the left wehn the wind was blowing to the right and the snow just went back into our faces. whatever. i got used to it.
---

2003-02-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

SNOOOW!!! snow snow snow!!! but theres so much wind. and when i went outside to shovel, it was snowing ice, if that makes any sense at all. so that sucked. my cheeks are red and burning my toes are slightly numb. they've had time to warm up. the delicious smell of cooking tomatoes and onions is wafting through the house. its kind of tiring, to shovel snow. and the prospect of being snowed in really appealed to me. i was like, oh awesome, we're snowed in. but the stupid snow plow just shoved the snow in the middle of the road to the side, so there was a huuuuge mound of the white stuff at the end of the driveway. so when i was shoveling it out, i imagined i was this person on everest or something facing the bitter cold winds and digging myself out, trying to get back with my team. hey, snow brings out the kid in ya. keep on snowing!!!
blizzard '03

2003-02-16T14:48:00.000-05:00

oddities of me. i have this really really wierd quirk. i'm not even sure it IS a quirk, just a really funked out idea, but we'll call it a quirk for the sake of funny words. it started maybe in seventh or eighth grade. i would ask 'god' something and be like. 'okay god, if its going to snow today, make the tree branch move in the next ten seconds.' and it might or it might not. i really did find that...well...both amusing and informative. so today i tried it. i usually use it when thinking of guys. just for your information. church is usually spent either zoning out or looking for hott guys. today was a hott guy day. nick tessalone. (who i found out, from his letterman jacket, is on varsity wrestling and varsity track. yes, i'm pathetic. but i'm also in church, which we know is the most fun place to be.) so i was like, "okay god, if i could ever have a chance with him (this is kind of like MASH and all those other 'matchmaking' games) make him move his head to the left in the next three seconds." and he did. how freaky is that. but i'm always one to double check. "okay god, if i will never have a chance with him, make him move in the next three seconds." and he didnt. and then this girl melonie blocked my veiw so i could play my game anymore. " okay god, make melanie sit up in the next three seconds if i could have a chance with him." and she did. there, now i have succeeded in my purpose of amusing you readers you. and maybe you've questioned my sanity, which is an unfortunate side effect. i should be a snickers commercial. "listening to voices in her head, another side effect of hunger."
*~*

2003-02-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

hott. the st. joes dance. who was hott??? other than me, of course...haha...nick tessalone, god. and i saw him dancing with this girl, who was kind of fat from the back. and then i realized who she was. katie spadoro, mayor's daughter, rich as hell and probably the easiest girl there. it hurts to know the people you grew up with are major sluts. and then my neighbor was there too. my neighbor who's in 8th grade and her parents didnt know she was there. my neighbor who i've seen grow up since she was 4. that was disturbing. and that guy who was 'percolating' with laura. like elvis and 1996 crashed together to form this really wierd froshie. mostly i hung out with karen, joyce, nydia, and jackie (who was constantly dancing with this really cute guy. he was sweet when he did talk, which wasnt very often. so jackie got kind of bored, but still). and i saw mike there. and hmmmm...oh yeah, i saw kirk wearing, well, how preppy could you get??? did his mom dress him or something??? but he looked less like a cave man than he did in eighth grade. and i saw brandon at the end but i didnt say anything to him, and i dunno if he even saw me. who cares. but i had fun. it just, well, wasnt exactly what i expected...
*~*

2003-02-14T14:42:00.000-05:00

spiteful. if there's anything i hate, its mean and spiteful people. i hate that even more than pompousness. when i was waiting for my ride after school, the aforesaid, i'll drive a knife through his leg anthony was standing next to this kid. and then his two friends-girls, and yes that is an important fact- ran up next to him and were like "ew, you're standing next to this thing???" as if he were some disgusting, slimy slug that couldnt hear them or understand them. and then they just snickered- because if ever there was a snicker, THAT was it- and ran off. and this kid was there, and i felt SO bad for him. he looked so dejected and hurt. if i had known him, i'd have said something, but well, those girls, they kind of scare me. but luckily their seniors so there's only a couple months left dealing with the assholes.
---

2003-02-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

little uns. last night, at 8:30, my brother's little friends came over. and slept over. now, three eight year olds arent very big. but they make noise. and one brought his PS2 and the sound is being embedded into my brain. they're so ANNOYING too. sometimes i'm actually thankful that i have the brother i have. i wouldnt want to have a selfish brat...
*~*

2003-02-13T18:19:00.000-05:00

read to your heart's content. i love reading. its a hobby, a passion, an obsession. my brother, on the otherhand, hates reading. maybe because we pushed him or something, but i do not understand it. at all. i just feel so disappointed when i think he doesnt like reading. he said he hates it, and that its never been fun for him. the problem is, he hates it already, so now we have to push him, or kaboom-he'd never read. does anyone have any suggestions??? because i cannot even begin to fathom how he hates reading. its an alien concept.
---

2003-02-13T16:29:00.000-05:00

chomp chomp.haha, dani missed the funniest english class EVER. hey, it was all because laura wanted to see her 'chompers.' my english teacher, she's really nice but really strict. but she's kind of scary when she smiles. her teeth are...well...they make you want to look hide. and erin is really really scared when she smiles. and so it blew up till someone somehow concocted a flesh eating monster who has an assorted box of flesh. and we talked about alllll of this during latin. drew pictures on the backs of our vocab quizzes. and then we had english. we were laughing so hard that ms. maffia asked caitlin (who really does have some kind of problem when trying to stop laughing) to tell her what was so funny, and if it wasnt funny she'd get a detention. (we knew she wasnt serious, dont go thinking she was being a bitch.) but uh...well....that was a slight problem. laura had a good story with the whole waaaaave thing. but whatever caitlin made up, it was, well, not her best. and whenever she smiled after that, baring her really freaky teeth, we all went into fits of laughter. "flesh."

LMFAO

2003-02-12T12:53:00.000-05:00

thoughts in a nutshell. melissa was an increasingly pompous bitch today!!! kat told me that at lunch she said "oh i really want to go to princeton and then go to harvard law." and she said it in a voice like SHE had the choice to go there. uh, there is no way she could get into princeton, let alone fit in it.

arent i nice???

boosters due tomorrow. i WILL be glad when they're all handed in and done with. but till then...

i should watch the patriot again today, and get in even more trouble. but i'm afraid of becoming sick of it, so no, i will not. i will just eat and have to be satisfied with the computer's company. technology is a wonderful thing.
*~*

2003-02-11T15:05:00.000-05:00

nonobsessiveness. people say to me "you're so obsessed." and then they roll their eyes. i am not obsessed i tell you. obsessed means having pictures plastered all over the walls. obsessed means going and LOOKING for heath info. obsessed means building a heath web site and actually adding to it. i am not obsessed. and i could justify that to you, but now, come to think of it, you're not worth it. hl.com, if you want to talk about addicted, ah yes, thats true. but thats a story for another day.

i am not obsessed. thats it. end of story. deal with it. shut up.
*~*

2003-02-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

me as a 12 year old. as dani knows, the fucking hl.com decided to fuck up on me RIGHT when i wanted to act like an annoying 12 year old...go figure. so you'll have to put up with it here. and if you dont, well, skip this entry and dont go bitching to me about my obsessiveness...

so here starts the 12yearoldness:
omg, i just watched the patriot and heathyboy is SO FUCKING SEXY. you should have seen me, shutting my eyes because of the gore but squinting them open to see heathy. but you have to admit, he IS a really good actor, and i'm sure his hottness has helped him some. not like hayden christenson, who cant act for jumping beans. of course, it could have helped him snag roles (lolk carli, you gotta remember those heathyboys-i'm evil, i know)...he really is a very phuckable man.
"but i only like him for his acting" OH YEAH RIGHT.
*~*

2003-02-10T12:54:00.000-05:00

some people should shut up before someone 'accidentally' kills them. anger management, no just lock me up...

2003-02-10T12:50:00.000-05:00

racism. naive me thought i'd rarely have to deal with it in this modern world. at least not head to head. but today...i think kat's the only one who knows what happened. i wasnt even sure WHAT i heard. just that anthony is an asshole who i hate, in the true sense of the word. if someone gave me a gun and said: go ahead, kill him, you wont get in trouble, i'd probably just shoot him in the leg so he could suffer. after he said whatever he said, i gave him such a 'look' that charlie said i looked at him like he was the devil. good. anthony's so cocky and fucking arrogant i wanted to phase him. steve and charlie, they're disgusting horny bastards who i detest, they're the lowest of the low on the earth. but anthony doesnt even deserve to be on the earth considering he just agrees with whatever steve and charlie say. i'm really not this violent or vindictive...or angry. i'm the kind of person who forgives and forgets really easily. and i dont get mad really often. just hurt. but no, i have found the one being i truly hate. i just hope he's a senior so that he's out of my fucking face by may. i just have to comfort myself with the thought that when it all comes around, he'll be the janitor, i'll be the CEO. or something along that analogy.
*~*

2003-02-09T18:32:00.000-05:00

weekend shlogging. i have a yucky cold that blocks my head up. yesterday i had dance class, and haha, that was probably the funniest one EVER. tara is sooo funny.

i looked at the summer program at brown thing. god, that shits soooo expensive. there is no hope for me going there, not at ALL. maybe i can just do the JHU online thing and be done with it. its not like we'd qualify for financial aid. maybe next year i'll do some summer courses or something so that i could get all my courses in. college shouldnt seem this scary. i think i'm abnormal or something.
*~*

2003-02-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

'the sky is falling.' snow is one of the most glorious phenomenons. okay, i know they're only little water particles, but the phenomenon is the immaculate beauty. its a magic that cant be conjured by any mortal. i pity the people who cant experience the snowfall outside THEIR houses, transforming the brown and drab to pristine and breathtaking. the best thing about snow, tho, are SNOW DAYS!!!!!
******
*****
****
***
**

2003-02-06T16:28:00.000-05:00

restless moi. i'm feeling really restless lately. not necessarily bored, just restless. there i things i should be doing that i've been neglecting in recent days gone by, but god, how i procrastinate against them!!! i am always in need of an obsession. just recently i discovered my story book idol, in the anne of green gables series. thats why i wanted the books so bad, when i was little b/c they had my name. what an odd me. luckily, i loved the books, once i was old enough to understand them. but i'm reading them with a different perspective now. anne of the island is definately my favorite, and next is rilla of ingleside-though it is the saddest, and most serious. but now i've read them all. well, all the ones i've wanted to read. and i need something new. i feel like something died and it wont ever come back. never. odd, because books always keep people alive. but i feel unfulfilled, AND restless. so i really apologize for this rambling post, which got me exactly where ive started. god, i hope i wont pick up eating as an obsession...

2003-02-06T15:05:00.000-05:00

melissa was decidedly annoying today. she's been more aggravating this week than she is usually, and thats saying something. especially in english, when she tried to become all deep and theological. uh, while physically, you'd have to go deep to cut into her heart, her emotional depth is barely susceptible. now, you may think i'm being mean and unfair, and while i dont disagree that i'm being mean, i dont think its unfair. i've been able to tolerate her for this long. i should get some kind of award, titled "is able to tolerate the mindless idiots of society who believe they are better than the rest of the world." i am one of the kind ones, arent i????
0=)

2003-02-05T16:23:00.000-05:00

alert. watchful eyes. perked ears. what is the news??? shall we go to war??? because if we do, they might reinstate the draft. if we do, thousands of people will die. and perhaps thousands will enlist. and that makes me cry. but now i have no time to cry. just be nostalgic for the time that hasnt passed yet. if that makes any sense at all. i am reading rilla of ingleside. it sounds like what we could go through soon. people are all worried about iraq's 'nuclear bombs.' iraq does not have the strength to build a massive nuclear base or the money or technology to build such a weapon that could reach the united states. it would have to be transported manually. has anyone seen or read the sum of all fears? that is how iraq would have to use a bomb. but then again, who said it would be used against the US??? i am in an extremely serious mood. a little anxious to see the news, but at the same time, i really dont want to know whether the US has declared war or not. but i have to. like on september 11, i had to watch the news. see the same shots over and over and over again. make the impossible seem real. i feel so much vengeful pride when i hear that the two plans for where the twin towers were both include having the world's tallest building. even now, though i have seen the skyline several times, i cannot believe that it is not there. but i suffer no depression -anymore- because of it. i just dont want to be that generation which people look back on and say 'wow, they were brave' like the generation of WWI and WWII. it would be wonderful to be remembered. but horrible to think of what we were rememebered FOR. but it would be worse to feel 'failed' when we look back. i could talk about my day, the trivial details like my english grade, or melissa's unceasing annoying utterances. but now is not the time. the world seems so big. and all i can do is watch.
---

2003-02-03T15:26:00.000-05:00

today was sucky, due to the wonderful felling mother nature gave me. ithink thats her turn to pay me back for all my uniceness. you know. "make anyone cry today?" "sadly no, but its only 4:30." hehe. if i had been feeling good, it would have been a great day. so lets just say it was tolerable. but dont worry, i have bring it on to numb my pain. haha. and hl.com, is forever faithful.
=0

2003-02-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

i got The Patriot DVD. that is a great reason to hump the television. he is so sexy.

2003-01-31T20:17:00.000-05:00

you know how people write letters to other people, to express their feelings, and then throw it away??? yeah, this is kind of like that:

dear brother of mine,
it takes an intense amount of effort to be even THIS nice to you. it takes more effort to know when to stop before you break. sometimes i just don't have all that energy. so be grateful for what you've got...BROTHER...
maybe i'll

2003-01-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

parents. give. no. freedom.
---

2003-01-31T19:08:00.000-05:00

2003-01-31T13:42:00.000-05:00

today, was sooo fucked up in school. wtf was someone THINKING, pulling the fucking fire alarm like that??? no, i'm sure they'd still let us have our battle of the classes and shoot the froshies down. assholes. and no one even SAYS anything a/b it??? hell, i was at home when it happened, but still. pissed as anything. and it was definately a sophomore who did it. the froshes wear yellow, the sophs wear red, juniors green, and seniors blue. ppl saw a bunch of sophs by the fire alarm. so then the whole day all these juniors and seniors are fucking giving us murderous looks. god, if they ever findout who did it, they'll get hell from the administration, and THEN they'd have to deal with US.

okay, new topic. i was watching MTV's Made today, and as corny as it sounds, it was kind of inspirational. this kid, who could barely dribble a ball got on varsity bball in six weeks. that, according to me, is awesome as hell. now, a lot of it was his dedication. but still. he got on the team. that screams motivational to me.

yayayay, i have tennis today!!! w/ sara, who doesnt really give a shit a/b it, unlike me, but still. tennis lessons are tennis lessons. hehe. hope i'm not too bad, i havent played for like, three months.
*~*

2003-01-30T16:47:00.000-05:00

i have spent the last four hours looking at random blogs, eating, and watching tv. what does that say a/b me??? no, i am not a waste of a person. well, at least not today.
*~*

2003-01-30T12:33:00.000-05:00

guess what guess what guess what???? i got straight A's!!! yay, i'm so proud of myself for scraping through. hehe. happy me, happy me, happy me. i actually only got two bs for midterm grades tho-the b+ in chem pisses me off; the b in english YES!!! now i have let my inner three year old out. deal with it.
*~*

2003-01-29T20:01:00.000-05:00

my brother is such a god damn tattletale. insubordination, i tell you. i will not stand for this.
*~*

2003-01-29T18:19:00.000-05:00

yesterday the motherly unit decided to be all nice and encouraging. "I really dont think you should do the set crew." and "you just cant handle a lot of material." that was for midterms. screw her. and when i tried to explain why i didnt get an a for chem (thanks a LOT guys) she was all "dont give me excuses."

so that was a beautiful part of my day.

today the bishop (whohoo) came. the only good thing that came of that was that he gave us a day off. and we get to build an extention, which i'm kind of excited a/b but it'll be finished when we're freshman in college or something. hehe. now i have laundry to hand over to the motherly unit and quiche to check in the toaster oven(good shit).
*~*

2003-01-28T16:12:00.000-05:00

i told my mom yesterday. about both. and she didnt yell-annoyed maybe...but i told her 'i tried my best' and stuff like that. and i really meant all that normallyibullshit it stuff. and my dad, all he said when he got home was 'i heard you messed up on your test' or something like that. it takes me a/b five tries to get the story my way. and even then, i have no idea what they're thinking, just know that they're sinking in disappointment...

2003-01-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

i have one good thing a/b my day!!! i have fucking 73 ppl on randomish. well, prolly b/c they were on dani's site and went to songs which is directed here. hehe. now i must go feed my brother ice cream tho its fucking chilling to the bone outside. the snow is frozen to the goddamned ground. and th e sun keeps on shinin. when did i get so old as not to have ice cream on the coldest day of winter??? must have ice cream and try to forget about day.

2003-01-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

today was a sucky day. first off, i'm supposed to 'dress up' wednesday. wtf. i dont have any dress up clothes. second i had to go to a drama meeting for the set crew which i was freaking out a/b b/c i'd have to pick up my brother. i called my dad during lunch. he was very supportive. he told me all these nice things like 'i dont think you should' and 'no, its just not possible.' for CHRISTS SAKE. i tried my goddamn ass off and i didnt make it. fine. i can deal with that. you didnt want me to in the first place. i tried not to think of that. and now, when i want to do this ONE THING for just TWO WEEKS you say no. it makes me want to cry. wait, it MAKES me cry. just because he says no , i cant do something. what is this madness. i cry too easily. does that make me weak??? anyway. i asked gordon if i could leave after fifteen minutes and then go pick up my brother. he says yes. so thats okay, just hoping that i wont get too much shit at home. and THEN the big potato hits. i got a 79 on my fucking english midterm which was an analytical essay. i did as best as i could have. considering she didnt fucking teach direction right at least 40% of the class got the direction part wrong. what does that say to you? its all falling down. crumbling to peices. my midterm grade officially, for english is an 84. that makes me want to break something. it broke me. i hate school. i hate the pressure most of all. so now i have to deal with this. i should tell my parents, to give them time. but todays not really the best day for this. i am so angry when i think of my dad. and so ____ (dissapointed??? kind of. uhhh, unhappy, yes, of course. bitter maybe.)when i think of english. the world is turning upside down and hopefully i wont fall off it.

2003-01-26T10:03:00.000-05:00

i have come to a conclusion. this blog is a piece of shit, seeing as how i have to censor my thoughts when writing a/b ppl who mite read this. so i've made a descision. as of next week, the link will NOT be there on my aim profile. this isnt a SUBPROFILE. this is for ME. and carli was ttly right when she started, how she started. it will still have to be partially censored. but not half as much...

2003-01-25T19:43:00.000-05:00

the bush administration is full of egotistical dumbasses who dont know their limits.
*~*

2003-01-25T09:28:00.000-05:00

the party last nite was...okay...some ppl were like, oh, we dont fit in, yah de yad de yah...but i think i didnt fit in, b/c i wasnt comfortable. for some reason i was really self concious and at a loss last nite. i dunno why. later i loosened up, at like, ten forty five. i think that inthecornerw/karenandjackie did me good. and then after it was better...but, for some reason i was SOOO self concious, and i really tried not to be, but sometimes it happens. it was weird. it could have been more fun for me if i was just more comfortable. it just really annoys me that i wasnt. and that is why i am posting at friggin nine in the morning, seeing as i cant sleep after a certain number of hours...
*~*

2003-01-24T17:22:00.000-05:00

who agrees that parents are interfering dumbasses who are never there when you need them and always there when you dont want them???
*~*

2003-01-24T14:18:00.000-05:00

just thought everyone mite like to know: i feel soooo fat...soooo fucking fat...internally, not looking into the mirror and being like, oh no, my stomach juts out over my jeans, i'm fat. i feel so full i'm going to explode. shouldnt have crammed so much spaghetti in...EEEK...not a pretty feeling...
*~*

2003-01-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

its FRIIIIDAAAAY!!!! waking up and knowing its friday-wonderful feeling. waking up, knowing its friday, and knowing you have absolutely NOTHING to do-best feeling. thats right. i get to lie around all day and then go to a party tonite. lovely. so now i'm leaving i think i'll turn on some music really loud and make a fool of myself. or maybe i'll just eat and watch my weight get heavier every second. oh, the possibilities...
*~*

2003-01-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

okay. its official. my parents are fanatic dorks who belong to the cult of the dorks. why, you ask? they will not let up on school/studying/SATs...and they say 'when we go upstairs, you come downstairs, and when we go downstairs, you go upstairs'...dont they GET IT??? thats why i'm GLAD i take forever to come down to dinner...less conversation...okay, i admit it, i want a good life. but i hate being told what i HAVE to do. i hate having EVERYTHING planned for me. i guess i dont listen b/c thats the only thing i can control. but at the same time i cant control it, b/c i HAVE to do the exact opposite. maybe because i have no motivation to do it. who knows. maybe i'm just an incompetant lazy soul.
*~*

2003-01-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

i didest my dancey. yes, yes, my indian dance. for an hour. straight. no breaks. okay, fine, maybe a one minute break. but i never sat down. my feet were pounding into the floor, rhythm...rhythm...my feet and arms havent forgotten. its been instilled in me, despite the fact that i havent practiced in almost two weeks. wow, i'm good. fine, my stomach might be screaming in pain, my head throbbing from the energy, my throat as dry as a desert. okay, maybe i AM shaking. but i did it. for an hour. straight. with no breaks. after two weeks-i'd say i've still got it. my mother doesnt know what the hell she's talking about, saying i cant do an hour and a half straight. i could do it. i'll probably feel like a wet chicken afterwards, but i CAN do it.
*~*

2003-01-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

i thought, after i came back from skool today, i'd be all depressed and dejected, cuz i failed my w. civ exam. thank god, was i wrong. first off, the test wasnt as hard as usual, meaning she didnt make up as many things as she normally does and the essays were easy. then i got back this test i had taken that i thought i got a C in. i got a 97!!!! i mite not fail after all!!! so i'm in a really good mood...i know this interests you greatly

but GOD that room was so fucking cold...its what, 5 degrees farenheight outside w/o the windchill??? and i am not exaggerating. and with the windchill its -10. wtf...and there was NO heat coming into that room, i felt like ice. we should go to alaska. its honestly a lot warmer there. like 40 degrees. my garage feels like i'm walking into my fridge, i can see my breath in there. now, i know all those arctic circle ppl are rolling their eyes and saying thats nothing. but it could be worse. i could be acting all crazy like they did in south carolina when they got an inch of snow. the shitheads couldnt drive, school was closed, state of emergency...all for one fucking inch of snow...

dani's making a blog, so i'm all interested in helpin her...hehe...but of course, its all kitten...::telepathically thanks tutor w/ cherry cheesecake::

new topic: today's my dads birthday. 45??? i think so. i'm not sure i quite remember. we WERE going to go out to eat today, but my brother has a stomach virus. i didnt believe him yesterday when he said his stomach hurt, mostly b/c he exaggerates and i highly doubt that his pain is as much as my womanly pains. i only believed him after he started crying, and then he threw up while i was in the shower. i think that means his stomach hurts. but who can be sure...what an evil sister i am.
*~*

2003-01-22T16:17:00.000-05:00

wow, i must be so bored off my rocker, to be posting to this blog as much as i do. i really shouldnt be, i have an intriguing western civ midterm i should be studying for...but anyway...

i was talking to jillian on aim today, and we just ask each other random questions for lack of anything better to talk about. and me, being the totally random one, asked what she would do if she had 24 hours to live. me:" think i'd do a bunch of crazy shit, like spraypaint the skool and stuff like that, tell all the ppl i dont like- tho there arent very many- what exactly i think is wrong with them, go bungee jumping or something, have a huuuuuge party where everyone is invited, and then go to church to try to cancel some of the sins i've racked up along the years" that was a quote there....hehe...but i was thinking halfway through...the idea of death makes ppl more free...they're willing to do things they wouldnt do under normal circumstances, and then they'll die, so they wont have to deal with the consequences.

wow, that sounds really morbid and selfish. NO, i'm not going to kill myself. tho if i could reincarnate myself, i would just to do all that stuff...hehe...but then that completely destroys the point of doing all that shit if you'll just be back. but its a really weird concept. but i'm not going to go out and do all that stuff now, because then, what else is there to do after you've done all the stuff that you wanted??? nothing. you'll just....exist...with nothing to aspire to.

and that, my friends is my deep thought of the day. along with: wtf is this world coming to when artists i hate are coming out w/ songs halfway decent???
*~*

2003-01-22T14:59:00.000-05:00

brother. parents. brother and parents.
brother = brat
parents=annoying as hell
but then sometimes they're not. so then i forgive them. till next time. like last night. my brother, ever since he was one, has this thing that he CANT be ANYWHERE near me on the couch or on the bed or so on. he has to be next to his mommy and/or daddy. so yesterday, me my mother and my brother were all laying on the bed watching the telly. and suddenly, my dumbass sibling realizes that he is not near the parental unit. so he tries to climb over me. now, i've had it. i've been (well, pretending to study) for this whole week, and again, another day has to go by when my brother gets to climb over me literally and figuratively. i was NOT in the mood to be shoved around. i rarely am, but hey, i can deal-just not last nite. so i pushed him to the other side of the bed. (oooh, what a violent little bitch i am ::rolls eyes::) and voila, the mother, as always takes his side with "he's so little" and"you're hurting him" so on and so forth...hes fucking eight years old, hes not a BABY.

but, nevertheless i get yelled at. one day he'll break my leg and it will be my fault because i poked him first. and he'll clutch his shoulder or something and weep and wail. while i get a shitty lecture.

so the saga continues: brother tries to do what he wants. i try to stop him. parents take brothers side. and so it will go on till the end of time.
*~*

2003-01-22T11:22:00.000-05:00

right now, i'm feeling like shit. no, i dont look any more horrible than usual, dont shield your eyes yet. after school, or the chem midterm, whichever you want to call it, i had to be picked up by shameem(she's the lady who picks me up from skool every day) and i thought my exam got over at 10:30, but no, it gets over at 10:00. and goddamn mr. martino, he wouldnt let us wait out there, me, britney, jackie, and some other ppl, so we were like, okay, if we go into the cafeteria, our rides'll have to come and get us, and they dont know that they have to do that, so we took a 5 minute stroll to krauzers. or however you spell it.

once i got there, i was like, oh shit, my overprotective parents are gonna have no idea that i'm here, and my ride wont either (she was dropping her daughter off at the train station-her daughter was such a bitch to me on the phone-and she could only pick me up at ten thirty) so i, freaking out, called my dad. and he was a lil worried, and what do you know, all my friends leave. so here i am in this grungy place waiting for twenty mintutes...and no, my ride wasnt picking up her cell...so thats basically why i feel like shit. but i feel better now, b/c my mom called a/b five minutes ago and i asked her if she was mad. i think thats why i was so freaked, b/c waiting for a half hour is not a big deal, its just that my parents mite freak. i just didnt like waiting my myself. and so i saw the van and came on home. thats one reason i feel like shit.

the other reason: undisclosed. chem test. didnt finish. thats all i'm saying...
*~*

2003-01-21T16:12:00.000-05:00

i was reading kitten's blogger, and girlie you have one complex life. my life is so boring, no one will want to read this. seriously, my life consists of school and tv. okay, maybe a little more. like indian dance. or um, reading...and movies, i love movies. and eating and sleeping. but thats it. nothing else. unless you count fights with parents and brother. or talks w/ my 'real life' friends on aim, and my 'hl.com' friends on aim and msn. tho cate's the only hl.com friend on aim i bother talking to. maybe brittler, but i like talking to her on msn better. i love talking to my cousin...rohit...wow, that looks so different than i pronounce it...i havent written it in ages and ages...i'm trying to get used to it...okay, i'm just not going to look at it. anyway. i love talking to him b/c he has a LIFE and he has views and most of all, shameful as it is, he cant judge me. any way you look at it, i'll be his cousin. plus he's in california so i cant feel his wrath...and college sounds so cool. it sounds like hella work, but just the enviornment...
and hl.com is a part of my life. bitching. relieving the stress that i dont have.

and eating. god, i love eating. one day i'll wake up and be 300 pounds, as we in our lil lunch table used to say last year. when i came back from india, the first pair of pants i tried on were the guess $83 ones that my aunt got me. they're 28 inches around the waist, and i'm like, 26, so it feels like its falling off. and i got a pair of size one jeans. glo. man, its beautiful to fit into a pair of size one jeans. but for me, its beautiful to fit into ANY jeans...there are no jeans that match my height...or at least my legs, which really really really long. and i dont want loose jeans...so i found the perfect ones. and then, ew, melissa has the same ones, in black, but hers is probably a size 13 or somthing, as mean as that sounds...but she thinks she's special too??? ...wtf...she has to be as good as everyone else, and then some...

wow, what the hell happened??? i started writing a/b how i have no life and then poof, i talked a/b melissa...::shakes head::

i'm sorry, but i'm a rambler at heart. ask my cousin. hehe...

2003-01-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

i wish i could tell the world how my life is. i wish i could just explain it to myself. i wish i could live the life i want to live, be the person i want to be. but its hard just being me. hard to the point where i dont know where 'me' starts and 'me pretending' ends. i pretend all the time. i dont even realize i'm doing it. am i pretending now? i dont know. ask me tomorrow, and maybe i'll have an answer. i think i'm slightly bulshitting. but maybe i'm pretending to bullshit and its really me. ::knocks on door:: hello???? is it really me in there??? or is it some clone???

okay, now i feel less despondent...that was a matter of five minutes...i was talking to bloem a/b kangaroos and llamas and suddenly i'm more perky...perky perky me...that word always reminds me of a tiny dog jumping up and having a chirping bark...what madness is this??? who AM i??? do i have ADD with my feelings??? i wonder if psychologists wouldn name that after me...ooh, the possibilities...

theres only a couple people i am 'me' with. my cousin, and karen, and jenna, and danielle. but i am different with each of them. why is that??? it doesnt make any sense. if i'm acting natural, shouldnt i act the SAME???

2003-01-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

ew ew ew, this thing is NOT working...everything keeps on getting deleted...how fuckky...

anyway...today was uh, not as bad as i expected...the math midterm was so so, and the latin midterm was so, so, but, the best part is, ITS OVER!!!

2003-01-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

okay, who kicks ass????

yes, you assholes, me...who did you think??? heath ledger??? yes, i want him too...but he's MINE i tell you, MINE...oh no, oh no, oh no...i sound like those little twelve year olds on hl.com...::yells at self---you have no life, you need some psycho therapy, and i'm sure heath wants to know YOU::

::feels better, but still feels like humping screen::

2003-01-20T12:37:00.000-05:00

today was midterm day, yay yay yay...english...i knew going into it, that i could only prepare so much for it, i didnt read my nb, it mite have helped if i did, i couldnt seem to get my thoughts organized when i first got my ppr, and i kinda blanked out, but eventually i got into it. i dont think i wrote a great ppr, but i think it was decent, sr. donna rang the bell five fucking min. early and the clock in that room was off...but i stayed and finished it, luckily my draft was pretty decent...well, i have latin and math, math i just have to finish writing my notes and i'll review it tonite and tomorrow morning, latin ew there is no way i'll be ttly prepared for that, no way in hell...so i'll just do my best preparing and try not to die on the test, i highly doubt talking during the exam is an option...nuts...

2003-01-19T12:51:00.000-05:00

ew ew ew ew ew midterms...last weekend or something i started notes for w.civ, which i have the most time to prepare for...english tomorrow, but thats like, a chance test, it depends on how comfortable i'm feeling, geometry, god knows how little i know...i have to study...and latin...latin...i will die...chem, i'm just studying tuesday nite, w. civ i'm studying wed. nite, and latin and math, GOD tuesday will be such a crappy day...

but i did finish my latin nb, WHILE i was online and doing a million and five other things, me being all so studious... ;-)
now i'm gonna see how many ways i can mess up this blog by attempting to put a heathy pic!!! hehe...

2003-01-16T15:17:00.000-05:00

today i got home from skool (and i dont have a lot of hw, yay) and my mom had to be such a bitch...first, we were arguing a/b the garage, she was saying it was risky b/c she just stuck her hand out and it didnt stop, uh NO DUH, of COURSE It didnt stop, the sensers are by the stupid floor-they detect FEET not random parts of hands, and then she went all crazy on me for that, but as we all know, i'm stupid and whatever my mom says is right...i shouldnt even bother saying anything-and they wonder why i dont tell them anything...not even the lilest thing i tell them, i prefer to come down to dinner late-maybe i wont have to talk to them, b/c the conversations are either 'you need to study and do dance and all this shit and you cant' or they imply 'youre stupid. i'm right. end of conversation.' anyway, my mom went to the doctors and her eyes are dilated, and god, i hate that, but it happens...and she's all bitchy b/c she cant read little numbers and stuff so she calls me down to punch in the #s on the phone for a credit card or who knws what...and it just so happens that the spastic phone downstairs is really hard to punch the numbers in, especially 1,2, and 3...so when i cant punch them in correctly 'you cant do anything properly, punch with both hands [uh, that'll just make it dial twice or something]' so i had the bright idea of getting the upstairs phone and all ends well, sort of...except, i really cant take this anymore, i mean, way to be supportive mom...and its not like i've been sitting home watching tv all day, i've been at fucking school which takes work both socially and academically

2003-01-10T15:00:00.000-05:00

i didnt make it...really, i'm almost ok a/b it tho, even tho i started crying, its just that, there's this part of my friends' lives i cant be a part of, and i hate it, and i also hate the fact that i'm not 'good enuf'...a lot of my friends got in, and a lot of them didnt make it...it was the chorus movement that killed me, i hate it, i hate it i hate it, and now i just feel extremely embarrassed...but singing...man, i thought that i was like, almost home free...i dont think i sucked tho, even now, i just have a lower estimation on how i did...i put everything i had into that audition, the singing one...the chorus movement i was freaked out of my skin...i just dont want my parents to know how much it meant to me, i just cant...i tried so hard...and got so far...but in the end it doesnt even matter...i had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesnt even matter...

'pride comes before a fall, my dear, and what a fall'

but yay, karen got her braces off, and erin got marty, and judy got cha cha, and kaitlin brennan (who really really really cheered me up, b/c i thought she didnt like me) got patty....and a lot of my other friends got in, i'm soooo happy for them, genuinely, i'm thrilled for me, i just feel a twinge of something...not jealousy, i'm not really jealous...like, longing, i guess...b/c its like theres a divider b/w us now...my parents cannot know how upset i am...

2003-01-09T16:54:00.000-05:00

so much shitty homework to do, must start...must concentrate...must focus...why is it so hard???

2003-01-09T15:14:00.000-05:00

today my stomach lurched everytime i even THOUGHT a/b the play...hehe, i will be very dissappointed if i dont get in, b/c i think i did a good job singing, even tho the chorus movement is another story...but then again, i'm sure out of 150 ppl they can find 40 who sing and dance well...::sigh::...so i guess we'll see tomorrow, and i'm glad my friends have call backs, but i think i feel a lil twinge of jealousy, only b/c they pretty much no that they'll be in it...not b/c they'll get a part...and that i mite b left out...

2003-01-08T13:10:00.000-05:00

well, today the call back list was up and dont get your hopes up, i wasnt on it...i really didnt think i would be, but you know how it is, you always have that little trickle of hope...but erin was, YAAAAY!!!!! i'm so happy for her, b/c she was really really good in both the chorus movement and singing auditions, she'll definately get a part...and john (who suddenly looks extremely hott, no i dont LIKE him) was called back...DUH...he's amazing, he is so phenomenal...and kaitlin brennan, she did good in the chorus movement auditions and she was in the fall one acts and she did a really good job singing, tho she was nervous...

after i saw the list i feel like i wont make it....i mean, there were only 18 ppl up there, and the call backs are sposed to be officially posted tomorrow, and even if you dont get a call back you mite still be in it, and if you get a call back you might not even be in it, and i'm just hoping i make it, i think i lost a lot of the confidence that i had yesterday after i sang, i was on cloud nine. but i did the best i could do for singing, and for chorus movement...uh....um.....uh......::BLECH:: i hope they didnt think i was a total dumbass...i completely blanked out, and i had no idea what the hell i was doing, ::crosses legs and clasps hands...god??? its all up to you now...::

2003-01-07T18:28:00.000-05:00

hehe, i am in shock, i did my song for drama auditions, and i think i did well...i mean, i know i should be modest and everything, but i mean, i hit the notes, and honestly i think i did the best i could do, there is no better for me, at least for now...and other ppl did really well too, i wonder how they're gonna cut ppl...

i was so oblivious when the pianist (its such a funny word out loud...hhaha, immaturity) started playing, i was almost like, wait, is this for ME??? and then i just started singing automatically, i didnt take any effort or anything, it was kind of like dance: subconcious...all i knew was my heart was racing and i didnt think my voice cracked...when i was done, i was proud of myself, because i know that i, personally, couldnt do any better than that, i mean, i wasnt phenomenal or anything, like veronica, or even close, but i think i did a great job, just me being me...and i heard from laura, not my bankowski (god knows i cant spell it) bitch, just this girl i know...that one of the judges was like, she has a pretty voice (maybe they were talking a/b meggan or something, i dunno, i mean, i wasnt there...) and then roxanne miller told me that mr. alfonzo was like, 'she was good'...so i'm happy a/b that, even though it sounds really vain, but i'm just very proud of how i sang...i hit all the notes...and i didnt crack...amazingly...i think it was a one time thing...tho i couldnt go 'mister' properly, and i started getting shaky too much when it was the end of the song...

2003-01-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

today i got the same shit: oh, you really cant do this, i dont know what your're thinking, it seems that studies are a last priority, it doesnt seem like you care...... but i guess thats how much they know a/b me, its not like i make an effort to talk to them, seeing as when i do they act like what i say is stupid...but now i REALLY REALLY wnat to get into grease, and i REALLY REALLY want to show them that i CAN do it...i have a splitting headache...i didnt eat anything since ten thirty am till six...i ate some carrots...and then i did my dance, an intense workout, AFTER the auditions, an uh INTERESTING, kind of EMBARRASSING experience....and at seven i ate a texas toast...now i must take my fastest shower and do my hw and all that 'extra' stuff that they love, and hten i have to go into the garage or the family room and sing at like, midnite, b/c there is no way i'm singing in front of my parents, funny how i can sing in front of other ppl and not my parents, i htink its because i want to shut out feelings when i'm with them, i have to be like a brick...something they think they can control and move around, but really, i'm a piece of....uh....something...that isnt stable, something that doesnt know anything...but is constantly there, in some form or other...adios, amazing that i could type here, shouldnt be here rite now, i can so connect w/ riz in ' there are worse things i can do "

2003-01-05T13:28:00.000-05:00

parents, my GOD...and sixth graders each of them can go to hell...wait, i think i know a couple of sixth graders, okay, except them...alrighty first parental issues: i have this macro art project due tomorrow and i'm not fucking finished, partly b/c i cant take attempting to draw for more than a lil while, i get frustrated, and partly b/c my parents want me to do other shit, like study for midterms and whatnot, instead of this...and then they're lke oh, why didnt you get it done sooner??? UH HELLOOOO??? okay, FINE i watch tv, FINE i do other stuff, but you know what, does my dad HAVE to saw weights at the dining table, where i'm doing my thing, i couldnt draw there, and i cant even see straight b/c of the fucking glare, so how do they expect me to draw, also w/ the table movin up and down...

sixth graders: GOD DAMMIT, okay, i have CCD, i do community service, and when i got there, it looked like all i'd have to do was sit there cuz everyone went to church, but noooo some goddamn teacher has to go and get fucking sick and then we (me and this distructive frosh at st. joes named kevin) have to take care of them...two highschoolers and 10 little demons, you'd think that'd be easy, wouldnt you, me being the queen of the psycho crazed lunatics and him being this 'i'd like to blow up the world kid' oh hell no, i couldnt even curse at these dumbass kids and there were so fucking many of them, wtf...and they were DIRTY, as in unclean, not as in nasty, and they woiuldnt listen, i just wanted to bash their heads togethere, except maybe one, and this other girl who looked relatively normal...and if i ever see one of them in the mall i'm gonna kill them or something, bye bye little kids...they sort of listened sometimes, but if i EVER have to take care of them again, they are seriously in for some reallll shit...the thing is i cnat curse at them or yell at them, how the hell do you punish sixth graders who arent afraid of you??? now i'm outtie to take off my contacts, god i need hl.com ranting is a beautiful thing, and i swear, any sixth grader on hl.com i will verbally abuse them till they cry in their sleep...how destructive do i sound??? wow, i'm even scaring myself...

2003-01-02T11:59:00.000-05:00

seeing as this only works on my computer, i think that might be a good thing, but well, i dunno, it could be a sucky thing...i guess we'll find out, and i'll make another blog, and start from the scratchiest of scratch...

2003-01-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

i've decided to educate all those people randomly reading this, well, actually, i'm really just educating me...so the wordS of the day ARE...

-abstruse: obscure, profound, difficult to understand...
The reason that i go on hl.com is abstruse, even to me. (correct punctuation, wow, i think i'm going insane)

-accolade: award of merit...
My parents should seriously give me an accolade for being so shittishly and publicly dorky.

acumen: mental keenness
I have absolutely no acumen, why am i even bothering to try and learn some new words that i will never use again, except of course, when dealing with hl.com's darcey...

THERE now that we got a good dose of THAT...my mother will be home in a little while, and as we all know, i shouldnt be here, i should seriously be on hl.com relieving my stress on some poor unsuspecting ten year olds...i AM a nice one, arent i???

2003-01-01T20:45:00.000-05:00

new years laundry: i usually dont plan to keep my new years' resolutions which i dont make if i can help it...today, ironically, i made a resolution, but it wasnt a 'new years resolution' or anything, so it was kind of odd...i consider us all fruits (going back to the apples and oranges comparison), or at least food (my obsession) walking on the same road, well, it starts out on more or less the same road, and this time i recognize the road b/c id studied the map, and i see around the bend is a fork, the left is easier to travel, but no one knows where it leads to, the right, is hard as hell, and not that many ppl stay on it...but it leads to relative security...today i decided to take that right fork...i have so many things to do, that 24 hrs cant contain, considering i am the biggest loafer, but my 'resolution' is to make the most of my time but i already know that its gonna be a sucky walk...well, we'll see how we go...and i'll return to the food concept...

2002-11-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

starting with the fuzzy yellow sweatshirt: i am editing that giddy post of mine, it was a little too crazy for me-oh wow, i've achieved the impossible-and too, uh, 10 yrs old...anyway, if anyone has any suggestions, please tell me, b/c i am welcome to all of that shit, i am really mellow today...